Santa Claus Conquers the Martians! December 16, 2007

My favorite description is somebody's review on IMDB:

"The best worst awful awesome movie ever!
Author: Torgo_Approves from El Paso!

Basically everything is wrong about this film, and that's what makes it so great. It's hysterical, but even as you're laughing yourself breathless you can't help but feel bad inside that you're actually chewing down this rotten junk food. Because that's what Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is: a case of food poisoning. There are layers and layers of awfulness in this movie, and it really is an unforgettable experience. The actors are all stoned out of their minds and extremely ugly. The title pretty much explains the plot, although there's not really a lot of "conquering". Maybe a better title would have been "Santa Claus Laughs at Inappropriate Times while Hanging Out with Bad Actors in Silly Outfits"? Just saying. I know it isn't as catchy, but at least it's not deceiving.

It would be impossible to sum up all the stuff that sucks about this film, so I'll break it down into what I remember most strongly: a man in an ingeniously fake-looking polar bear costume (funnier than the "bear" from Hercules in New York); an extra with the most unnatural laugh you're ever likely to hear; an ex-dope addict martian with tics; kid actors who make sure every syllable of their lines are slowly and caaarreee-fulll-yyy prrooo-noun-ceeed; a newspaper headline stating that Santa's been "kidnaped", and a giant robot. Yes, you read that right. A giant robot.

The worst acting job in here must be when Mother Claus and her elves have been "frozen" by the "Martians'" weapons. Could they be *more* trembling? I know this was the sixties and everyone was doped up, but still.

This wins the Dung Beetle Award of the year. Destined to become a Christmas classic for me! "

...........

Central Cinema's description is:
" Martian children are depressed. Why? Well it's because they've been watching Earth tv and realized that they don't have any toys or Santa Claus or Christmas on Mars. Isn't that sad? Kimar, who is the leader of the Martian people, decides that desperate times call for desperate measures and he formulates a plan to kidnap Santa Claus and bring him to Mars so that he can make the Martian children happy again. Unfortunately, his chief rival, Voldar, has other plans, and does everything he can to sabotage Kimar's plan of bringing Christmas to the red planet. Can Kimar and Santa Claus and the kids overcome the mean spirited Voldar? Will there be Christmas on Mars this year? Will Santa be able to get home in time for Christmas back on Earth? The answers to all these questions and more lie ahead...

If Ed Wood made a Christmas movie this would have been it! Truly an amazing spectacle of cardboard sets, goofy costumes, and tin-can robots! Don't mis this rare chance to see a truly different Christmas movie."

Official Website: http://central-cinema.com/calendar/SantaMartians.htm