Jim Norton January 7, 2010

"Lucky Louie" - HBO "Spider-Man" - The Movie "The Colin Quinn Show" - on Comedy Central "Ed" - TV Episode "I was sitting in my apartment, looking at my naked body in a mirror and contemplating suicide. My manager called and informed me that I need to update my bio. I have always detested bios written in the 'third person.' Every performer either writes or approves his or her bio. Third person makes it seem like a bunch of people got together to discuss the performer's wonderfullness and just had to write it down for the world to see. I also loathe the wording in a lot of bios. I did not "burst on to the scene", nor do I leave crowds "rolling in the aisles" "on the edge of their seats" or "gasping for air". Some nights I kill, other nights the crowd wants to gut me with a fishing knife. I am a relatively amusing in a child molesting/stomach cancer kind of way. Being pegged as an 'angry comic' truly makes me want to vomit. To me the only labels in comedy that matter are 'funny', 'original' and 'hack'. By original I don't mean so weird that Andy Kaufman wouldn't get it and by hack I mean the next comic who writes a girl fart joke should have his writing hand smashed with a mallet.There is no subject I won't make fun of (with the exception, of course, of girl farts). This has nothing to do with integrity, it's because smelling them gives me an erection. I am 5'7, 160 lbs with brown hair, brown eyes and have a torso with the muscle tone of a retarded boy's tongue. I enjoy dining out, dancing and recieving yellow discipline from black prostitutes. Judi Brown of the Aspen Comedy Festival said, "He's so brutally honest. He's very refreshing in a business where a lot of people are phony." That is probably the nicest compliment I have received as a performer." - Jim Norton

Official Website: http://www.improv.com