Ask Dr. Hal Show w/ Anomaly, Mistress of Science + Project Pimiento March 13, 2006

"ASK DR. HAL" OFFERS SECOND SCINTILLANT SHOW!

NOTED NIGHT CLUB ACT FORGES AHEAD AT 12 GALAXIES IN THE MISSION

MONDAY, MARCH 13TH

[NOTE: NO LONGER the traditional WEDNESDAY NIGHTS]

& CONTINUING THROUGHOUT THE BLUSTERY MONTH OF MARCH

INCORPORATING MANY OPENING ACTS, NEW & FAMILIAR FEATURES & SIDESHOWS, SCIENCE, SORCERY & SOPHISTRY-- ALL IN THE STYLE OF THE LATE, GREAT ODEON

NOW AT 12 GALAXIES, A HIGH-TONED, HIGH-CEILINGED ESTABLISHMENT WITH FULL BAR

K-ROB EDIT WILL HIGHLIGHT HORRENDOUS NINETEEN-POUND SPIDER ESCAPE & RAMPAGE

DR. HAL TECHNICIANS SWEAR THEY'LL "GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME"

(TANTALIZING EDIT FEATURES DRAMATIZATION OF OFFICIALLY COVERED-UP "PROJECT CHARLOTTE" MISHAP AT CLANDESTINE SPECIAL-OPS TEST CENTER IN AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION-- HARROWING FOOTAGE NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH)

SEE & HEAR OUR OVERWHELMINGLY OUTRE OPENING ACT:
PROJECT PIMIENTO
OTHERWORLDLY LOUNGE MUSIC COSMICALLY KEYED TO YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE

All the Moods of the Theremin, complemented by sultry high vocals from
MISS LOLA BOMBAY

SPACE IS THE PLACE, WITH DR. PETE GOLDIE
Our own official N.A.S.A. liaison at "Ask Dr. Hal!"

AND INTRODUCING OUR NEW ANOMALOUS SEGMENT--
MORE SULTRY SCIENCE with
ANOMALY, MISTRESS OF SCIENCE
SEDUCTIVE SCIENTRIX will present the DR. HAL SCIENCE QUESTION OF THE DAY

WITH THE USUAL & EXPECTED LINE-UP OF GAGS, GALS, COSMIC TRUTHS & FOLLIES--
AND WATCH FOR OUR UPCOMING REVIVAL OF A DR. HAL TRADITION:
LATE NIGHT BUS RIDE TO BOWLING!!

"I finally got to see a Dr. Hal show... If you haven't seen Dr. Hal, seeing is believing. The... show is on the surface funky but deeply
very skilled and informative. I'll sure go again." --Codeine Sudafed, roving reporter

"For some reason which I can't quite pinpoint... it was damn good, even if we didn't get to see the giant spiders... What adventures await us next week at 12 Galaxies? Dr. Hal only knows." --Kiko Aumond, Belligerati online

"You San Francisco people and your psychedelics... When will you give it a rest?" --Colin Dewey, disgruntled outsider

FIRST DR. HAL SHOW MAKES IMPACT AT NEW LOCUS IN THE MISSION
For immediate release-- Like a pregnant puffball, ASK DR. HAL! burst back on to the local scene last week with its first flagship show at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission Street near 22nd, where it will continue at least through the month of March. Tables and chairs, provided by the 12 Galaxies management from storage in the posh club's cavernous basement, ensured that no one would have to endure standing for the duration of the lengthy production. A minor technical "glitch" which prevented the exhibition of the advertised Giant Spider sequence has now been corrected, according to red-faced Ask Dr. Hal! facilitators, and all
systems are "go" for an "A-Okay" delivery of this demented material for next Wednesday's show.

PROJECT PIMIENTO TO OPEN FOR MARCH 13th EPISODE
An ultra-cool ensemble that revels in "retro-loungy jazz" will head up this Wednesday's bill. Project Pimiento has in the past won audiences with theremin-infused covers of such standards as "Caravan" and Alexander Courage's theme music for the original Star Trek TV series.
They also have been known to infuse new life into "Diamonds are Forever," the title song from the well-known James Bond film, or the signature music for TV's Peter Gunn. Fans of the theremin (and who
isn't) will also respond to the séduisante upper-range ululations of chanteuse Miss Lola Bombay. Invented in 1919 by the eponymous Russian
Léon Theremin, the theremin is unusual in that it requires no physical contact in order to produce music and was, in fact, the first musical
instrument designed to be played without being touched. The device consists of an array of circuitry including two antennas around which
the user moves his or her hands to play. Come and see for yourself.

GIANT SPIDER ESCAPES
This week K-Rob's traditional monster movie clip turns its focus on the menace of giant spider attacks once again, a public service message
dealing with outsized, bulbous arachnids which, though not of elephantine dimensions, are still far larger than they ought to be.
Those who are sensitive to such material are advised to turn away or shade their eyes. Although technical problems prevented the unveiling of last week's Arachnid Atrocity, these have been solved according to our experts. Therefore we shall give you a dramatized glimpse of a disastrous failure in command and control in a top-secret hidden military installation where your tax dollars support Perverted Science.

Speaking of which...

GLAM GRAD STUDENT ANOMALY TO MAKE SCIENCE REPORT, DEMO OF THE DAY
A fresh, new feature of the Dr. Hal show will make its bow this Monday as Anomaly, Libidinous Lab Assistant, gropes for new frontiers in the far reaches of scientific inquiry.

ALL FOR A MEASLY SEVEN DOLLARS!

For more details, go to our web site at http://askdrhal.com/ and read the fine print. No longer FREE at the late, great, oft-lamented Odeon
bar, where our low overhead allowed us to pass the savings along to you, for this incarnation of the show we are obliged to charge our patrons the admission price of SEVEN DOLLARS ($7.00) (the same amount it cost to attend our previous run, October-November 2005, at Café du Nord). In keeping with the inflationary spirit of the times, we must request this nominal charge for admission, a regrettable economic necessity in lean times. The price of a mere burrito and beer, or the
rough equivalent. But this paltry, tawdry seven dollars admits you to a memorable salon of music, mirth and intellectual inspiration-- it's actually quite a bargain, unlike the aforementioned (hypothetical) burrito. Speaking of which, the area abounds in culinary opportunities.

That burrito can be yours as close as the taqueria on the corner-- or, if you're surfeited with slumming, the trendy Foreign Cinema restaurant
directly across from the premises-- or any of a multi-cultural gastronomic rainbow of choices to tickle even the jaded palate of the most titillated Trimalchio. Then, having dined, come on in to 12 Galaxies and wash your repast down with any number of varieties of Alcohol, including the Miracle Liquid Fernet Branca. So, what do you get for your seven bucks at our show, our First Iteration, on Monday, March 13th?

Well, you get...

THE AFFABLE, AMIABLE COMMENTARY & MONOLOGUE OF YOUR TWINKLY, GENIAL CO-HOST CHICKEN JOHN

THE MARVELLOUS MUSICAL MANGLINGS OF COFFEE CULT HERO K-ROB
(not the false, Oakland K-Rob, but the true Hero of Café This and Pirate Cat Radio)

THE OPTICAL OBLOQUY OF COMPUTER & YO-YO FIEND
DAVID CAPURRO

THE SUPREME SCIENTIFIC SHOW-AND-TELL OF N.A.S.A. LIASON & ASTRO-EXPERT PETE GOLDIE

THE RECONDITE REVELATIONS OF RAVISHING RESEARCH ASSISTANT ANOMALY

THE TECHNICAL WIZARDRY OF STELLAR FELLER JASCHA EPHRAIM

AND MANY SURPRISE MYSTERY GUEST STARS & PERFORMERS
Not to mention this week's overwhelming Opening Act

PROJECT PIMIENTO
A Spicy Serving of Plangent Polyphony...

AND... THE ORACULAR & BARDIC RESPONSES & REJOINDERS OF Dr. HOWLAND OWLL, B.A., M.C.S. etc.
AFTER YOU MANAGE TO PASS THE GIMLET-VISAGED GAZE OF OUR FANATICALLY DEVOTED DOORMAN
PHOENIX [Last week eagle-eyed patrons may have noticed that the rôle of Phoenix was essayed by Mr. Benjamin Burke]

AND WILL THIS BE THE NIGHT WE TAKE THE GREEN APPLAUSE BUS TO GO BOWLING AGAIN?
Probably not, but we guarantee that after at least one of our upcoming shows, a familiar-looking green bus, a 1968 GMC motor coach with an 8-cylinder Diesel engine, a 3-speed automatic Allison tranny and no power steering, will roll up outside 12 Galaxies to whisk agreeable attendees off for an ecstatic interlude of late-night outré ultra-entertainment: bowling in Daly City. It's at Serra Bowl, where even if you think (wrongly) bowling won't be fun, you'll still enjoy the dumfounding mullet (some prefer the name pon-a-dour) hairstyle sported by the crusty old guy who hands out the bowling shoes. Visit them on the Web at
http://fun2spare.2gobowl.com/?page=Serra_Bowl
If you haven't done this yet, this could be your last opportunity.
Trust me-- it's a lot more fun than it sounds. When the trip is going
to happen, whenever that might be, The Applause Bus will depart from
the club immediately after the show. If you have the time and want to
take the ride, do get aboard. Hold on tight-- your host, Ringmonster
Chicken John will be at the wheel as we zoom away into the starry
night. Really, all ballyhoo and hyperbole aside, I never heard of any
other show doing this. Don't fret; you will be gently and expertly
deposited exactly back where you started from in an hour or two.
Remember, we are perpetually endeavoring to improve our
presentation, and adjusting our new format for the convenience of our
dedicated friends and patrons.
We entreat our old fellow-travellers to remember that, these
days, contrary to their previous experience and expectation, the show
actually starts on time, when we say it will. We entreat you not to be
among the subdued, chagrined few who only arrive after all is over. We
repeat, the new Dr. Hal show begins at 9:00 PM sharp. They told me to
put this in, and therefore I comply.

S P E C I A L A N N O U N C E M E N T

by Dr. HOWLAND OWLL

I just wanted you to know that if you've been looking for my book, The
Meaning of Lost and Mismatched Socks, and unaccountably have still not
been finding it at kiosks, newsstands and airport bookstores, now you
need look no further. For a limited time only, through a special
arrangement with North Atlantic Books and publisher Frog, Ltd. now you
can get it right from me, Dr. Hal. It's true-- this attractive,
reasonably priced volume ($9.95), profusely illustrated by the Author,
is available for sale at the show! For anyone who's ever been troubled
about what happens to your missing socks. But don't take my word for
it-- just listen to the critics rave:

"Hal Robins (...[writing under the name] of [Perditus U.] Pedale) has
discovered--and the very amusing, detailed drawings he's put in this
slim volume from North Atlantic Books illustrate-- that while the
mysterious appearance of Unknown Socks in your drier (and the
mysterious disappearance of the socks you expected to find) may be
conventionally explained, deeper, darker explanations can be found by
looking farther than the interior of the drier [sic] mechanism..." --
BOING BOING

"If Robert Benchley, Bob & Ray, James Thurber, S.J. Perelman, Stephen
Hawking and H.P. Lovecraft were all to collide in a Quantum
Entanglement Event with a pair of Argyle socks, the result would be
almost as weird and hilarious as this guided tour of theoretical
hosieristics from the High Priest of Arcane Smart-Alecks..."
-- Marc Laidlaw, author of The 37th Mandala and writer of the popular
computer game Half-Life

"...Robins once again offers up his... unique artistic technique..." --
Winston Smith, contributing cover artist to The New Yorker

"Hal Robins is witty, cunningly arch, downright funny, cosmically
connected, and very, very entertaining." -- John Shirley, author of
Crawlers and screenwriter of the film The Crow

"Dr. Hal... I'd do anything for Dr. Hal. He can have me if he, you
know, wants me." --Fan Ameke, pathetic, broken-down Mission street
alcoholic and drug user

"Countercultural impresario Hal Robins... has authored a small
masterpiece... a delight from beginning to end, filled with lovely
language, absorbing illustrations and fantastic ideas... that reaches
an astounding climax... Not to be missed." -- Rudy Rucker,
mathematician and award-winning science fiction author of Frek and the
Elixir

Ladies and Gentlemen, I, Dr. Hal, am now not only poised to sell you
this book right at the show but also to autograph it and inscribe it
for you then and there, thus exponentially increasing its value. A
bargain now available-- only four left.

THE HAL SHOW! AT LEAST THREE MORE MEMORABLE NIGHTS! REMEMBER-- GOOD
QUESTIONS ARE STILL REWARDED WITH FERNET BRANCA, THE MIRACLE LIQUID,
UNWATERED AND AT FULL STRENGTH.